(Вторник, 09 Февраля 2010 г. 20:46)
The pain is so enormous... So unbearable... I wish it stopped right now. No painkillers help me... Tonight i had a repulsive and frightening nightmare. I have never thought that it's possible to feel the pain while sleeping. But tonight i did. Ugh! I saw my tooth bleeding and aching... And every time a blood-drop fell i winced with pain. I wanted the tooth to be pulled out but i could do nothing. Boy, it was so aching!!! I just watched and I tried to visualize me be healthy but it didn't help that much. My head became heavier hundred pounds. I wait till the end of my winter exams. Maybe i'll go to a doctor... But it seems to me that i've sucked in with mother's milk the disbelief towards them. "Thanks, mom".
I bet, something's wrong with my jaw! i can't yawn wide, i can't eat hard food, earlier i couldn't even brush my teeth 'cause it was always giving me pain. Actually it's not the first time my jaw brings me discomfort, first time it happened 3 years ago when i was seriously ill but had to be at my sister's wedding (December '08). But I recovered as soon as spring came. I was surprised when it happened again last year but still i thought that it was caused by the cold I caught. My jaw was all right in the middle of spring. But this time I'm worried... Something's wrong. I bet. As if something disconnected inside me head and now every night my throat is so dry that it makes me suffocate. When I breathe through the nose a stream of air goes both to the ear and to the lungs and this air burns, no, carves my throat. Not a soothing feeling, i must say... It hurts even to swallow... Yesterday me ear started aching, and the pain grows stronger every moment. I can't stand it. I can't.
i need to do something until it's too late. but i'd be sent off the clinic again... This fucking red tape. i hate doctors. they always send me off or misdiagnose. that's why i don't believe them and that's why i'm at a loss. I'm too afraid of misdiagnosis...